I never thought such a silly show would make me feel so alone…

Is this an okay thing to admit here, out in the open? Out on the world wide web where everyone can read it? Where my parents and friends can read it? Maybe I’m doing it because I’m an attention whore. Maybe I’m doing it because I need to send someone a message. I don’t really know. I just feel the need to blah blah blah this on my blog. I guess that’s why I have it.

I had a mini-break down tonight. I tried to call my sister, but she didn’t pick up either line. I thought of calling 211c, but I didn’t want to bother in case she wasn’t there. Then I tried to call Ryan, they guy who posted his cell phone number on Post Secret. I don’t know why. I put his number in my cell phone this afternoon and thought about calling. When I did this evening, the voicemail picked up and the inbox was full. I read that he’s gotten calls from all over. I think that’s kind of neat, but it must be running up his bill. Ha-ha.

So, in my saggy-butt jeans and Clemson basketball t-shirt from Goodwill, I just curled up under the covers–under the purple sateen sheets and the pale green comforter. I cried and I wasn’t even really sure why. I’m sure the females reading this know what I mean. I thought of things that made me sad, just so I would keep crying. Most of the reasons were real. Over dramatic, I know.

I realized right there, once again, that I really truly lost my best friend. It’s still really hard sometimes. It hasn’t been for months, but I think I’m having some sort of relapse. Makes sense, I suppose. And so, I deleted all the rest Ugly Betty DVDs from my Netflix que.

I’ve been walking around in a funk for most of the day. It’s been building for a while and just sort of came around this afternoon. Ha. I like how I just phrased it “came around” as it it was an old friend coming to call. If I was chipper with you it was because a) my funk hadn’t started, b) I was at work and was distracted or c) I put on a good face for those who need it.

“Have a little self respect.” Said D.

Yeah. I know. But right now, I seem to have lost it somewhere in the mix.

♥, Tiffany Anne

~ by Tiffany on 27 September 2007.